What are you afraid of?
What is your biggest fear?
Before I was diagnosed with cancer again for the second time in my life, my biggest fear was dying. I was so afraid of dying that I think I wasn’t even really living my life to the fullest. I was afraid to travel, get on a plane, a boat or do adventurous things because I was afraid I would get hurt and die.
Crazy, I know.
It doesn’t even make sense, but it actually does when I look back at my past. I had childhood trauma which included losing my dad to suicide when I was only five years old. I was going through cancer treatment back then, too. Yep, most of my life I have feared dying of cancer or it coming back.
The thing is, all of my life I struggled with this feeling but I couldn’t name it. I couldn’t tell anyone my fear because it didn’t make sense to me. Honestly, I didn’t understand it. I started to create a story in my head that there must be something wrong with me. I was ashamed. I was embarrassed to tell people that I wasn’t perfect. (Ha! Nobody is perfect, right?)
I wanted so badly to be perfect. I was desperate to be loved. I wanted to feel like I mattered and I think I was pushing all of these things I wanted away.
I started to sabotage my relationships. The one relationship I sabotaged the most was the relationship with myself. What I have learned through all of my struggles is that until you love yourself, it’s hard to love others fully and receive love in return.
I’ve waited forty three years to experience this feeling of love. I never thought it was possible. I didn’t think I deserved it. I dated men who treated me badly. I’ve stayed in relationships because I didn’t know my worth and yet I was miserable. That is until now.
It took me going through therapy, but better than therapy were my life coaches and mentors.
They helped me recognize where I had been stuck. The great thing about coaching is that it is not therapy. It moves you forward. I remember exactly the moment I was in a therapy session and I said to my therapist, “I am so tired of talking about my story.” She smiled and it was like a light bulb had gone off. It was the moment I decided to shift my perspective and change my life.
Of course I needed therapy with a professional–and I still check in every once in awhile–but I was to the point where I was excited to make a big change in my life. I was ready to do the work. I was ready to jump into a new story and that is exactly what I did.
If you want to change the old story, you have to jump into the new story. This doesn’t mean leaving the old story completely. It means getting your feet wet. Experiencing new things, new feelings and emotions. Is it scary? You betcha, but it is so worth it.
I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I wanted to run back to the old familiar story, but I knew that was just fear talking to me.
My old story would say something like this …
“Nobody loves you.”
“You are not worth it.”
“You will never be anything.”
“You do not matter.”
“You are better off dead.” (That one was when I really hit rock bottom.)
This is the OLD story of a little girl who once felt broken inside–four year old Emilee. The little Emilee. Today, little Emilee comes out when I get afraid, but the difference is now I have the tools to soothe and comfort little Emilee and help her feel less fearful.
I want to help you work through your fears, gently and compassionately.
I recently began my virtual coaching and mentoring group, Reclaim Your Light: A Journey to Self-Love For Cancer Survivors to Jumpstart A New Life. And, the ladies who participated had incredible results!
“I love this group program! The weekly calls are very special and feel like a safe space where I am understood. I would definitely recommend this to a friend and know the tools and deep talks we have could help ANYONE get through something hard – not just cancer patients.” – Shaylee
I love this work. I get to see women in cancer recovery begin to truly thrive and heal emotionally. I heard incredible stories of courage over our live calls each week. We cried and laughed together. New friendships were formed and everyone felt incredibly supported.
Reclaim Your Light is an ongoing, virtual coaching and mentoring support group and you may join at any time. I have structured this experience in three month chunks of time–after your three months are over, you will have the option to extend your subscription month-to-month. This makes it easy to stay in the group for as long as you need my support and coaching.
No matter when you join the group you can ask me anything … I’m here to mentor you throughout your healing process!
Nothing is off topic, including sexuality–sex after cancer, hormone changes and feeling shy or ashamed about how your body has changed after treatment and surgery.
If you’re a woman recovering from cancer (or even if you’ve just been diagnosed) I’d love for you to truly say YES and put yourself first.
If you aren’t interested or not a cancer survivor, please forward this to anyone you know who needs my help. This is not just a career–this is my life purpose!!
You can learn all about Reclaim Your Light, on my website by clicking the link below:
https://emileegarfield.com/reclaim_your_light/
Space is limited to keep the group smaller and more intimate, so please reserve your place ASAP!
Remember, you CAN change your story and empower yourself to create the life you’ve always dreamed of.
If I could do it, I have faith that you can too!
